


'Cause I don't want to be alone

by warlockinatardis



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, First War with Voldemort, Gen, Halloween 1981, Hurt No Comfort
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-14
Updated: 2019-02-14
Packaged: 2019-10-27 15:52:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,019
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17769743
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/warlockinatardis/pseuds/warlockinatardis
Summary: They thought they’d be friends forever. Four friends who ran around the grounds of Hogwarts causing mischief everywhere they went night and day. But things changed. They got older. The war started and loomed over them all.





	'Cause I don't want to be alone

**Author's Note:**

> So I got inspired by a video on youtube and ended up writing this. The video is Run | First Wizarding War | Jily & Wolfstar (CMV)  
> by LouBelle Cosplay. Go watch it if you're interested! (Also the title comes from the song run by Dauhgter)

They thought they’d be friends forever. Four friends who ran around the grounds of Hogwarts causing mischief everywhere they went night and day. But things changed. They got older. The war started and loomed over them all. James and Lily had gone into hiding and Remus had been ordered to live with the werewolves as much as possible. Peter and Sirius worked for the order doing who knew what. They didn’t talk about their assignments anymore. Remus missed those days when he could see Sirius smiling when he walked into the room, nowadays he barely looked at Remus. He missed those days when seeing Sirius made him smile too instead of filling him with dread and suspicion. Peter had changed too, he didn’t smile that much anymore when Remus saw him, he was always pale and way too serious. Maybe one of them is the spy, a small traitorous part of Remus whispered. He shook his head, but he couldn’t lie to himself, he’d been thinking like that for a while they all had, Remus knew. But still he hated it and himself for it. He was supposed to be able to trust his best friends, but he knew that they didn’t trust him either. Nobody seemed to trust anyone anymore. Except James and Lily, they still trusted their friends. Remus wished he could be just as trusting as they were.

The war seemed like it was never going to end. Another full moon had passed and Remus had dragged himself to an empty home. Sirius was somewhere again. Few years ago he would have been waiting at home for Remus with a cup of tea and a smile no matter what he was supposed to be doing. Remus didn’t bother making tea for himself, instead he collapsed on their bed and dragged a blanket over himself. It did little to warm him though, the bed was always cold nowadays. He missed having Sirius sleep next to him, but he never did anymore. He knew he should get up and bandage his wounds and change his clothes but he was just so tired. He was always so tired.

A door slammed. Remus jumped awake, muscles screaming in protest. Sirius appeared not long after to the bedroom looking tired and pale with dark circles under his eyes. Remus pulled the blanket tighter around himself feeling naked under Sirius’ gaze. Sirius didn’t say anything as he tentatively crossed the room and sat on the edge of the bed. Remus leaned into him and after a moment Sirius wrapped an arm around him. Remus let himself close his eyes and enjoy the moment. Warmth was finally returning and for the first time in years he didn’t feel alone. Sirius had relaxed too. He pulled another blanket over them both as they laid down on the bed shuffling closer. Remus had his head on Sirius’ chest listening to his steady heartbeat. Neither of them said anything, they didn’t need to. That night they were just Remus and Sirius, Padfoot and Moony. That night they weren’t part of the order. That night Remus let himself fall asleep trusting Sirius in a way he hadn’t in a long time. And when in the morning he woke up to an empty bed he told himself he wasn’t hurt or disappointed. He almost believed himself.

Things went back to normal after that. They didn’t share a bed and they didn’t trust each other. Remus continued to spend time with the werewolves under Dumbledore’s orders. He didn’t come home that much and Sirius was always somewhere with the order. All he knew about Sirius was that he had been made the secret keeper for James and Lily. Remus didn’t think much of it, it made sense, James trusted Sirius. One day when Remus came home Sirius’ things were gone. There was only a note on the kitchen table. Sirius had gone into hiding too, because staying with Remus was too dangerous. Remus tried to tell himself that it was for the best, that he was right. It didn’t make it any easier.

When Remus found out about James and Lily next day he couldn’t believe it. He couldn’t believe Sirius could do something like that. But when Peter died too and Sirius was dragged away from the scene, still laughing, Remus had no choice but to believe it, no matter how much it hurt. While others celebrated the fall of Voldemort and the capture of mass murderer Sirius Black, Remus Lupin sat at his kitchen table (that used to be Sirius’ too) and drank firewhiskey (that James and Lily had bought him and Sirius after they’d moved in together). He had a picture of Harry on the table (Peter had brought it to him when he’d visited just a few weeks ago). It had only been four years since they’d left Hogwarts. Four short years that they hadn’t gotten to spend together, not like they used to at least. They’d thought, at the beginning, that after the war was over they’d get to be together again. Remus had thought he’d get to see Harry grow up. He’d thought he’d never lose his friends (friends he never thought he’d ever get to have). But now the war was over and Remus was alone again. There was another picture on the table on his right that was blurred by the tears in his eyes. He let his head fall on to the table and closed his eyes letting the tears finally fall.

On the picture four boys smiled and laughed at each other. A boy with glasses and black hair was leaning in to another boy with longer black hair. They had their ties tied around their heads. Next to them was a tall boy with scars on his face smiling at his friends messing around. His arm was slung over a short boy with mousy brown hair. He was laughing too looking at the other three. None of them had even noticed the camera at the time. They’d been too busy having fun on their last day in school.

**Author's Note:**

> I haven't written anything Harry Potter related in so long, but here we are.


End file.
